How To Procrastinate

According to www.wordnetweb.princeton.edu, a procrastinator is someone who postpones work (especially out of laziness or habitual carelessness). Haha, why, I guess that's me!

All jokes aside, procrastination is a serious issue. Many people experience some sort of mental lapse by trying to prolong or delay an inevitable outcome. I believe such behavior is normal to some degree, so long as it's not chronic or destructive.

The problem arises when the behavior dominates someone's life. Often times, constant procrastination leads to a shallow emptiness and all the while creating more havoc, more social problems; subsequently, promoting even more procrastination. A vicious cycle, no doubt, leaving the person feeling anxious, frustrated, and helpless.

So what to do? Well, this article is going to take a different approach. There are plenty of articles of what TO DO, and how to fix procrastination. I'll leave those masterpieces alone. I aim to show you the life of the ultimate procrastinator, myself, and demonstrate how to become one.

Yes, you read that right! This is an article of 'backwards' teaching in order to help you, the reader become a better procrastinator (or maybe it's reverse psychology)! It’s an extreme example of "What not to do". So here we go!

It's Wednesday night, March 3, 2010, the date of this article. I'll start off with my school responsibilities. It's finals week and it’s time to buckle down and study.

First off, I have a final tomorrow in my Psychology of Adjustment class and I haven't even peeked at the book. I also have another test on Saturday, and again, I have yet to lift a finger. Additionally, I need to read the Adventures of Huckleberry Finn (at least a 1/3 of the book will be covered on Saturday's final), and I haven't started reading it. So far, so good, right?

Next, comes my work. Since the better part of last year, I have attempted to build a small business with a group of aspiring writers. We cover all sort of stories but our specialty lies in fantasy and science fiction. However, before our company can take off, we need a product. As of now, we all have projects 'in progress' or just a better way of saying...we have nothing.

So, we've tried to set a schedule in order to speed up the process and maybe get something on the production floor. Each week, we are trying to allocate 2-3 hours a day or 10-15 hours a week to our particular projects. Well, I've written about a quarter of a scene, correlating to about 2 hours of actual work...and remember this is Wednesday. Again, it looks like I'm right on track!

And then, of course, I have hubpages. I recently made a pact with fellow hubber, Wavegirl (who produces some great work, particularly in sports.) that I would publish at least two hubs a week. This is my first one for the week so let's see if I can make that deadline!

As I analyze my intricate web of procrastination, I stop and wonder...I wonder what a focused individual would think, or what I would like to call...nerds. What would a straight arrow, a go-getter, the anti-procrastinator, the nerd say about such reckless behavior? I laugh out loud at the notion, in fact, it may be entertaining and borderline hysterical.

They may ask, "How can you live like this? With such disarray and careless abandonment? Is it a time management problem? Maybe it's stress?"

My answer is this, "I cannot begin to explain my behavior. I only know that each endeavor piles onto the next. I also know that if I went by the "rules", I would simply have no life. I would jump from one project to the next, without sleep or closure, just school and work...school and work."

This, my friends, is the life of a procrastinator. Are you sure you wanna join the club?